Ah, Mother’s Day. The day on which husbands are expected to step up, or rather, go above and beyond anything they’ve ever done before, to make this Mom’s most special day ever. And if he doesn’t….well, he’d just better.
Last Saturday night, a.k.a. Mother’s Day Eve, MY version:
Hubby lounged on the couch, turned to me and calmly asked, “Is it OK if I don’t do anything special for Mother’s Day?”
“Oh yeah, totally, no big deal!” I replied a little too lightly.
He went on, “Y’know, like regular french toast instead of a special breakfast?”
“Sure, no problem!”
But inside I was thinking, Everyone else on Facebook (ah, Facebook, that vehicle of envy! Everyone ELSE gets to go to Hawaii, why not ME?) is getting flowers/chocolates/dinner out/a special breakfast/homemade confections/handmade greeting cards, why not me?
Instead I stayed silent. Now, we’ve had too many special occasions ruined by miscommunication, and it IS a tradition that Hubby usually makes me Stuffed French Toast with berry syrup on Mother’s Day. So I decided to go out on a limb and be honest. Later on I said, “Y’know, I kind of would like something special on Mother’s Day.” I don’t know if he heard me or not, but whether he did or not, he didn’t respond. So half an hour later I said again, “So I think I really WOULD like something special for Mother’s Day.” This time he responded. I don’t remember exactly what happened next, but basically a “disagreement” ensued in which I was accused of selfishly complaining that his Mother’s Day efforts weren’t good enough, and I countered that I was hoping our tradition would continue and, by the way, HE was the one who called his efforts “nothing special.” It was silent for awhile, I felt guilty to bringing it up and felt like crying, and he slipped out the door to go buy the ingredients for Stuffed French Toast. I tried to stop him, saying that I felt too guilty, but he felt guilty too and said he was “just being lazy” and so finally went.
Last Saturday night a.k.a. Mother’s Day Eve, Hubby’s version:
It doesn’t matter what his version is because I’m the mom, right? it’s my day! RIght? Maybe not.
In the end I ended up with a fantastic breakfast, but wishing I hadn’t said anything. I would rather both of us had felt loved that day, than for both of us to feel sheepish. Sharing your expectations isn’t always the best way. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is. If I hadn’t told Hubby what I expected for Valentine’s Day, then 14 years later he would still be doing what he did for our first two together: absolutely nada. But I think sometimes you have to change your expectations so that you aren’t disappointed, or end up sounding like a spoiled brat. I know he loves me. He shows it every day. He even took the initiative and planned a surprise for me on our anniversary, which was only a week ago. Sure breakfasts are nice, but my Hubby’s feelings are more important. But I honestly can’t say I know what I’ll do next time because he did ask, and maybe I should have been honest with him from the beginning. But I did end up regretting bringing it up later. What do you think?