Happy Hubby-Better-Get-it-Right Day!

Ah, Mother’s Day.  The day on which husbands are expected to step up, or rather, go above and beyond anything they’ve ever done before, to make this Mom’s most special day ever. And if he doesn’t….well, he’d just better.

Last Saturday night, a.k.a. Mother’s Day Eve, MY version:

Hubby lounged on the couch, turned to me and calmly asked, “Is it OK if I don’t do anything special for Mother’s Day?”

“Oh yeah, totally, no big deal!”  I replied a little too lightly.

He went on, “Y’know, like regular french toast instead of a special breakfast?”

“Sure, no problem!”

But inside I was thinking, Everyone else on Facebook (ah, Facebook, that vehicle of envy! Everyone ELSE gets to go to Hawaii, why not ME?) is getting flowers/chocolates/dinner out/a special breakfast/homemade confections/handmade greeting cards, why not me?

Instead I stayed silent.  Now, we’ve had too many special occasions ruined by miscommunication, and it IS a tradition that Hubby usually makes me Stuffed French Toast with berry syrup on Mother’s Day.  So I decided to go out on a limb and be honest.  Later on I said, “Y’know, I kind of would like something special on Mother’s Day.”  I don’t know if he heard me or not, but whether he did or not, he didn’t respond.  So half an hour later I said again, “So I think I really WOULD like something special for Mother’s Day.”  This time he responded.  I don’t remember exactly what happened next, but basically a “disagreement” ensued in which I was accused of selfishly complaining that his Mother’s Day efforts weren’t good enough, and I countered that I was hoping our tradition would continue and, by the way, HE was the one who called his efforts “nothing special.”  It was silent for awhile, I felt guilty to bringing it up and felt like crying, and he slipped out the door to go buy the ingredients for Stuffed French Toast.  I tried to stop him, saying that I felt too guilty, but he felt guilty too and said he was “just being lazy” and so finally went.

Last Saturday night a.k.a. Mother’s Day Eve, Hubby’s version:

It doesn’t matter what his version is because I’m the mom, right?  it’s my day!  RIght?  Maybe not.

In the end I ended up with a fantastic breakfast, but wishing I hadn’t said anything.  I would rather both of us had felt loved that day, than for both of us to feel sheepish.  Sharing your expectations isn’t always the best way.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is.  If I hadn’t told Hubby what I expected for Valentine’s Day, then 14 years later he would still be doing what he did for our first two together: absolutely nada.  But I think sometimes you have to change your expectations so that you aren’t disappointed, or end up sounding like a spoiled brat.  I know he loves me.  He shows it every day.  He even took the initiative and planned a surprise for me on our anniversary, which was only a week ago.  Sure breakfasts are nice, but my Hubby’s feelings are more important.  But I honestly can’t say I know what I’ll do next time because he did ask, and maybe I should have been honest with him from the beginning.  But I did end up regretting bringing it up later.  What do you think?

0 thoughts on “Happy Hubby-Better-Get-it-Right Day!

  1. Love that you actually shared a real life story. I think too many people are running around pretending that their relations are perfect. We all have disagreements, so thanks for sharing yours. Very brave of you! 😉 You and Josh are soooo perfect for each other. You too are great together and your love for each other shows. 😉

  2. Love that you actually shared a real life story. I think too many people are running around pretending that their relations are perfect. We all have disagreements, so thanks for sharing yours. Very brave of you! 😉 You and Josh are soooo perfect for each other. You too are great together and your love for each other shows. 😉

  3. I am not a big fan of holidays. I always feel as if I am in a no-win situation. I have given my wife (Denise) several gifts over our relationship but out of all of them only one I think really made her happy. The problem is if you ask you are not being perceptive, if don’t go big you are made to feel you don’t care, and if don’t ask and get the wrong thing you are clueless (which where I feel I am perpetually). The biggest problem I think I have is I really don’t like gifts in general. If I really like a person I really would rather spend time with that person, but I feel like I waste time looking for that “perfect” gift, which could of been better spent with the person I was going to give the gift to.

  4. I am not a big fan of holidays. I always feel as if I am in a no-win situation. I have given my wife (Denise) several gifts over our relationship but out of all of them only one I think really made her happy. The problem is if you ask you are not being perceptive, if don’t go big you are made to feel you don’t care, and if don’t ask and get the wrong thing you are clueless (which where I feel I am perpetually). The biggest problem I think I have is I really don’t like gifts in general. If I really like a person I really would rather spend time with that person, but I feel like I waste time looking for that “perfect” gift, which could of been better spent with the person I was going to give the gift to.

  5. I love your comment!!! It’s so true. And honestly, I don’t demand gifts on these days, but I sure as heck demand something. A letter, a date, flowers, anything. Hubby gave me ice cream for valentine’s day and it was great because I knew he was thinking abut me. But asking if he could do nothing, I’ll admit, made me feel a little sad. I felt so selfish stating that, though. And you are right about gifts. One Christmas that I remember, hubby really rocked it. But usually gifts are so meaningless.

  6. I love your comment!!! It’s so true. And honestly, I don’t demand gifts on these days, but I sure as heck demand something. A letter, a date, flowers, anything. Hubby gave me ice cream for valentine’s day and it was great because I knew he was thinking abut me. But asking if he could do nothing, I’ll admit, made me feel a little sad. I felt so selfish stating that, though. And you are right about gifts. One Christmas that I remember, hubby really rocked it. But usually gifts are so meaningless.

  7. I was very happy with my Mother’s Day, but special are hard, because as much as you try, expectations are high. It’s easier on ordinary days, because since there are no expectations, it’s really to exceed them. However, how often do we remember to do special things for our sweeties on ordinary days. (And not matter what you do, expectations will always be high on special days, no way of getting around it.)

    Most of all, it’s no good walking around resentful. Speak the truth or change your own mind and really convince yourself it doesn’t matter. No, really, you have to actually convince yourself. Speaking the truth is usually easier!

  8. I was very happy with my Mother’s Day, but special are hard, because as much as you try, expectations are high. It’s easier on ordinary days, because since there are no expectations, it’s really to exceed them. However, how often do we remember to do special things for our sweeties on ordinary days. (And not matter what you do, expectations will always be high on special days, no way of getting around it.)

    Most of all, it’s no good walking around resentful. Speak the truth or change your own mind and really convince yourself it doesn’t matter. No, really, you have to actually convince yourself. Speaking the truth is usually easier!

  9. I remember feeling like this on Valentine’s Day!

    There were other women in the office getting huge bouquets of roses, and when the other girls asked me “so, what did you get for Valentine’s?” my answer had to be ‘nothing’. My boyfriend of the time apparently hadn’t sent anything… though a few days later, a card turned up without a stamp! I hadn’t said anything to him about it; I reckon he just forgot to put the stamp on and so it was late. I didn’t know that on the day, though, and it was a horrible, sinking feeling…

    It’s not to prove to yourself that your husband/boyfriend loves you, as you already know that. What one wants is to be ‘one of the girls’ and to be able to share in all the excitement. 😉

  10. I remember feeling like this on Valentine’s Day!

    There were other women in the office getting huge bouquets of roses, and when the other girls asked me “so, what did you get for Valentine’s?” my answer had to be ‘nothing’. My boyfriend of the time apparently hadn’t sent anything… though a few days later, a card turned up without a stamp! I hadn’t said anything to him about it; I reckon he just forgot to put the stamp on and so it was late. I didn’t know that on the day, though, and it was a horrible, sinking feeling…

    It’s not to prove to yourself that your husband/boyfriend loves you, as you already know that. What one wants is to be ‘one of the girls’ and to be able to share in all the excitement. 😉

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