I feel like I’m 800 pounds

Why is it so freaking hard to lose weight???  It’s not just that it takes a long time, but that I keep thwarting my own weight-loss efforts (as the slew of Butterfinger wrappers right next to me will attest).  It seems almost cliche because practically everybody is trying to lose weight.  But I am currently (and this number changes every day) 63 pounds over my goal weight.  And this goal is on the higher end of my “normal” BMI range.  It could be worse, and it HAS been worse, but it still feels like losing that amount is a complete impossibility.  I had a friend tell me that the way I talk it sounds like I weigh 800 pounds or something.  Well, I feel like it.

I have tried several different ways of losing weight and the thing that worked for me last time was counting my calories, including calories burned though exercise.   I stayed within 1650 calories every day for 97 days straight and lost 40 pounds.  At the end I rewarded myself with a day at the spa and a night alone in a hotel.  After 97 days I took a day off and wasn’t able to sustain consistent calorie-counting after that, so I gained most of it back.

I started the calorie-counting again back on January 1st and was doing great until I got sick.  It was all down hill after that.  I do great once I get started, but once I mess up I have such a hard time getting back on the wagon.  Why is that?  Why can’t I just realize that one mess up is better than a whole string of mess ups?

I’m contemplating something a little more extreme.  I’m thinking of completely giving up sugar.  Sugar is one thing I really think I am addicted to.  Once I have a little sugar I go crazy and have as much as I can get my hands on.  So on the one hand, eliminating sugar could help me to not overeat.  Sometimes it’s easier just to go all or nothing.  On the other hand, eliminating sugar could be so difficult for me that I completely rebel and go back to eating whatever I want, whenever I want.  Sometimes being too extreme can do that to you.

Everything seems to make it harder for me: the presence of yummy foods (especially chocolate), stress, relaxing, anything!  But  I really want to look better, not to mention be healthier.  Obesity-related Hypertension, Diabetes, and Gout all run in my family.  It’s like a prophecy of what my life will be like in the future.  Shouldn’t that be motivation enough?  Obviously not.

Well, I’m getting back on the wagon again on Tuesday.  No, make that tomorrow, Monday, even if it IS a holiday.  I can do it.  I have to do it.  I will do it.  Now that I have committed to you all that I will do it, that should be a good motivator, right? Right??   In case it’s not enough, tell me, what motivates you to reach your goals?

0 thoughts on “I feel like I’m 800 pounds

  1. I remember dad going off sugar. He wouldn’t even eat ketchup. He was riding his bike everywhere. He lost 100 lbs. To celebrate he and a friend went out for a hot fudge sundae he then very quickly gained back that 100 lbs. Your grandpa would do the same. He was motivated by special events, like a wedding or something. I can’t find anything to motivate me. I hope you find your motivation.

  2. I’m SO SO SO there with you sister!! My motivation is that I want to be pregnant, and I know that’s more likely to happen (not to mention a healthier pregnancy!) if I lose 40lbs. Not that 40lbs will put me anywhere near the goal weight thing, but yeah, anyway…. The self sabotage thing is just CRAZY!! Why oh why oh why do I do this to myself. Okay, end rant…

  3. I am in the same boat. I’m about 20 pounds over my goal weight. Three years ago I lost twenty pounds and was very excited to buy new work clothes and I could fit into my favorite jeans. Over the last year and a half I’ve gained the 20 pounds back. I lost the twenty pounds before because my sister and I walked/ran 3 miles every night. Now my sister lives in LA so it’s hard for me to get out by myself…but everytime I start exercising I end up getting sick. So I stop exercising and never start again because of the fear of getting sick again.

    Lately I’m trying to eat better…but I received bad news when I was weighed at a doctors appointment…I gained weight…and now I’m almost at the heaviest I’ve ever been.

    I so want to fit back into my skinny clothes. So I feel your pain.

  4. Good luck!! I too am trying to rid sugar from my diet. It’s so difficult. I’m a “stress” eater, and I feel like I can reward myself with food. Sigh…

  5. I too am trying to lose weight…again! I did great tracking calories and exercising for about 3 months (May-Aug). I lost the most amount of weight I have EVER lost (about 40 pounds) and weighed 25 pounds less than I did on my wedding day (and actually weighed less than I had since high school – which for me has been a decade and then some). My motivation (and continued determination) came from signing up to run a half-marathon (something I had never done before). It was scheduled for the day after my 32nd birthday. My children, husband, etc. motivate me, but sometimes life gets in the way and the motivation fades. Having a goal to work toward (the marathon), is what helped me successfully achieve my goal the 1st time. Then, a couple of weeks after running the marathon, I found out I was preggo, and put 35 pounds back on. I’ve been trying to motivate myself since. Looks like I may need to sign up for another running event. 🙂 Good luck!! You can do it.


Gift Center