"I’m Surrounded by Idiots"

 

For the record, I freaking LOVE Disneyland, and my next blog post will be about why.  But before I post about my love-affair with that most magical of magical places, I have to get this off my chest.

From what I can gather online, about 40,000 people visit Disneyland every day and on a max day, there can be upwards of 85,000 in the park at one time.  In that seething crowd you are bound to find a few (or more) idiots.  Don’t get me wrong, most of the people I encounter at Disneyland are wonderful, but with that many people in the park, you are sure to encounter an obnoxious park-goer or two.  Or three.  Or ten.

Here’s a list (in no way all-inclusive) of the types of idiots I have encountered recently at Disneyland:

The people who dart in front of you, causing you to metaphorically slam on your brakes.  With a stroller, this is particularly annoying.  This happened to me several times the last time I went and one guy even JUMPED OVER the front of my stroller, high enough to make any Olympic hurdler jealous.  He was only trying to get across the flow of traffic of the sidewalk, but I would have run into the guy if he hadn’t jumped so high!

People who smoke in the undesignated areas.  Follow the rules, people!  I’m not unreasonably worried that inhaling second-hand smoke for 30 seconds is going to give me emphysema, but I don’t like to smell it, either.  And hey, if I don’t have to, I don’t have to.

The mom behind you who pushes her kids forward while you are waiting in line so that her kids are pushed up against your backpack and if you (heaven forbid) lean back a little, you end up pushing over the whole family and you feel guilty even though it wasn’t your fault to begin with because they were all pushed up against YOU and you were just using the space in your own personal bubble. *breathe*

Line jumpers.  When there is little to no line, you are hurrying back and forth through the empty switchbacks a’ la the terrified Duloc Mascot from Shrek.  Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  But at least you are walking and not waiting.  But then you see a whole group of people jumping over rope after rope in front of you, cutting their “wait time” in half.  Annoying!  But then again, maybe they’re the smart ones.  Unlike THIS guy:

Line passers.  Those who, when the line is mostly empty, are traversing the switchbacks like you, but decide you are going to slow and run ahead of you, passing you and your poor slow children leaving you all behind in the proverbial dust.  SUPER annoying!  And not very nice.  It’s not like they’re going to get on the ride that much faster.

Excessive screamers. Everyone does a little screaming on a roller coaster.  It’s the one time it’s allowed. But there’s a limit.  Somehow Josh and I always end up with people behind us (usually adults) who don’t know that limit and scream.  Loud.  The whole time.  Although I do chalk this up to Karma.  I can’t even describe the sounds I made on roller coasters when I was a young lass of…oh…15.  I would yell “We’re all gonna die!” and make various animal sounds and Mariachi-style yelps., among other things.

Complainers.  Why do people complain to the people around them about the crowds/lines/food prices when we ALL know this is how it is and we all accept it.  You don’t see anyone ELSE complaining, do you?

Mean moms.  I’m not opposed to the backpack leash per se.  If you are in a crowded place with a kid who tends to run off, the leash is better than losing your kid.  And plenty of moms yell at their kids and jerk them around without a leash.  But I can’t stand it when a kid gets jerked by the leash, the arm, or any other body part for that matter.  If you can’t get your kid moving with your “nice words,” then pick him up and buckle him in a stroller.  You know your kid and what he can handle.  I always bring a stroller even though my youngest kids are four and five years old.  It keeps them from lagging behind, getting tired, and escaping through the crowd.  If he won’t stay put you can always threaten to buckle him in.

Unaware moms.  I saw one mom in line who was texting (I text in line too, so no judgment there), had her kid on a leash and without so much as a glance in the direction of her child, would yank him by the leash every time he wandered slightly toward the divider separating him from my girls.  They were having fun, passing the time by pretending he was spider man.   Every time he shot them with his spider web his mom would shush him and jerk him back.  If the unatttentive mom would have been paying attention, she would have noticed that they were just having a friendly game of pretend.

The Paranoid and/or Judgmental.  When kids are climbing or running or jumping or playing, there is always the person who’s all, “watch out, you’re going to hurt yourself!” and off to the side whispering, “and when they do, do you know who’s going to get sued?  Disney, that’s who.  Look at that, the mom’s just standing there watching.  She’s got too many kids anyway.”  True story.  I actually heard that diatribe take place in line for Space Mountain.

And the queen mother of all the idiots, is me.  It took me awhile to come to that conclusion, but as I started writing about all the ways you can be an idiot at Disneyland, I realized that I have done some of these things myself. I’ve darted in front of people when there was no break in the crowd and I was trying to get across the flow of people (Sorry!).  I’m obviously judging other people (heh heh).  I’ve even complained about the claustrophobicness of the line for the Storybook ride (OOPS!).   And as I said before, I’ve done my share of screaming.  Not ONLY when I was a teenager.  But the ultimate infraction was the last time I was there and my kids were showing me something.  I was pushing a stroller and I turned to look behind me, and totally ran into a lady in front of me.  I apologized profusely, but she just glared at me, all offended.

Which brings me to the last type of idiot, the non-forgiving.  I always say, “it’s OK” when someone apologizes from running into me, even when I’m mad about it.  What more can the offending party do?  Give up their first-born child?  Have a heart.

So I am, indeed a Disneyland Idiot.  But at least I’m not alone.

 

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