Into My High School Journal: The Ultimate Soul-Bearing Blog Post

I was doing my makeup the other day when I got some pressed powder, y’know, the kind in a compact, in my eye.  It made my eye a little dry, but that was about it.  No big deal.  It reminded me of an entry from my journal that I wrote when I was a sophomore in high school when I got compact powder in my eye before  **All names in this blog post have been changed to protect the poor innocent saps who have no idea I’m writing about them**:

“My eye itches so bad & I don’t know why.  I hate it.”

And then the next day:

“I need Visine.  Juan had Visine & let me use some & my eye felt better, but then I got compact in my eye. Stupid!”

Wow.  Stupid.  Sooooo stupid.  Talk about being dramatic.  What was stupid was using someone else’s Visine, especially when I apparently had some funky eye-thing going on.  But it’s better than the pages where I call my mom a few choice words…ahem, but anyway…it makes me feel good to think that as immature as I am now, I HAVE matured at at least a little over the years.  I no longer berate myself for accidently getting something in my eye.  And I don’t insult my mother with vulgarities in my journal anymore.  Not even on my blog (you’re welcome, mom)!

Another of my favorite things from that journal is the list of 13, I say THIRTEEN guys that I liked, all at the same time, followed by “etc. etc. etc…………….”!

I also love the naivete of thinking I could change my entire appearance in 3 days:

“Today I have to exercise, go outside & tan & put Lemon in my hair to lighten it.  I have to be tan w/ blonder hair & thin by Wednessday.”

Good luck with that!

Another gem from my journal is how dramatic and sure of my bratty self I was, which is evidenced by my feud with a girl named…let’s call her Amber Smith.  The previous year I had been in Tall Flags and we had been friends, this year I played the Trombone in the band and here is what I wrote about her, with commentary in {brackets}:

“Did I ever tell you about Amber ‘the B****’ Smith?  She’s a Tall Flag.  One day she told me, ‘What the H*** are you wearing?’And I said, ‘F*** you B****, what the H*** are YOU wearing, Ugly.’ So at the next Football game I hit her on the back with my T-bone.  {Which, of course, is the logical next step} (which doesn’t really hurt.) Now, she’s out of hand.  At the same part {of the field show} She always beats the T-bone section to death.  The morning at practice before we went to Los Altos (and won High Music, High General Effect, & 1st in division 2A) {Like it’s important to take time out of my tirade to list our awards} She hits Joe in the face (again) & me in the foot.  We both stopped right there.  And I said, ‘Amber, I’m tired of your S***! I hate you, blah blah blah.’ & me & Derek & Leslie & Joe yelled at Mr. Band Director about her & I talked to Martha {Tall Flag leader}.  I hate her. Now she tells everyone how I’m such a B****.  ‘Course I always tell people how she’s a B**** so I deserve it, but she’s a little mixed up.”

Hilarious! What a little brat I was!

It’s also funny to see all the little cultural things from the late 90’s.  Some stuff is classic, like Dumb and Dumber (hey, don’t knock it, you know you love it!) and U2.  But some references I had to look up because I didn’t even remember what they were, like the bands Sponge and Tripping Daisy.  I list my favorite bands every once in a while throughout the journal to show how they have changed (or not changed):

4-9-95 “My favorite bands are Green Day, Offspring, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, R.E.M., Violent Femmes, Smashing Pumpkins, Beastie Boys, etc. Sound garden, Nirvana, Beck, Hole, Sublime, Cranberries, Weezer, Frente.  My fave. song is Tainted love :>”

12-21-95 “My favorite bands are now R.E.M., Beastie Boys, Alanis Morrisett, Presidents of the United States of America, Bush, Better than Ezra, Offspring, Tripping Daisy, U2, Violent Femmes, Elastica, Rembrants & No Doubt.  Now my favorite song is Bloody Sunday.”

And then there’s the evolution of boyfriends/crushes:

I went from, “I <3 Brian!” to “Brian’s kind of dead.”

From, “George’s like, in between being my best friend and my boyfriend.  I’ll be with him, probably until school starts and then I’ll tell him that I don’t want to be tied to one person at 15.  Because now, I really don’t care, but when school starts I’m gonna wanna flirt!”  to “George is the Devil now.”

From 51 pages of Bill this and Bill that, including writing my name with his last name and saying, “I love Bill, I really do.” and “He’s my sweetie,” to “Hel-lo! Jerk-face!”  In his defense, I was the one being a jerk.  Sorry “Bill”!

And last but not least, meeting my Hubby and going with him to Prom:

“On the way home, after picking up his dad and his friend we sat in the back & his dad’s seat was so far back I had to turn my knees to the side.  My hand was on my knee and his hand was on his knee, our fingers touched, and he took my hand.”

For the record I hated that dress. We couldn’t afford a dress so I had to borrow one from one of my mom’s ACQUAINTANCES!

AWWWWWWWW!

It’s also interesting to see signs that I had depression back then:

“I’m so alone. Noone can seem to help me. I’m always so depressed but I can’t do anything about it.  I’m so frustrated.  How do you deal with stupid things like this that seem to take over your whole life? Yuck.

I’m trying to listen to music to see if I hear any words of advice.  Maybe I should read the scriptures?  But what do I read?  I don’t know what my problems are to look up!”

Poor me!  I hate the feeling that you are sad and don’t know why.  I’m on medication for it now, and I probably could have used some kind of help then, too.

I also had some pearls of wisdom to share:

“But what I think I’ll do is just hang in there, Y’know?  Just go with the flow.  Enjoy how life is now, dealing with whatever problems arise, the best that I can, and if I stay righteous, and just keep working for my goals & to do what’s right, everything will all fall into place.  Whatever’s meant to happen, will happen.  I just have to keep myself in tune to Heavenly Father.”

Tru dat, sista!  Great advice!

It’s funny that I wrote about getting compact in my eye in my journal.  At the time my mom was MAKING me write in a journal and I HAD to write SOMETHING so I just spouted out ANYTHING I could think of.  But let me tell you, I am grateful for that journal now.  It’s fascinating to read all the little daily life things I wrote about and to see how I evolved over time.  Like how I went from being “madly in <3” with 10 different always-changing guys, to actually being in love with just one, to meeting my future husband and falling in love again.  Thanks, mom for making me write in my journal, and sorry for calling you a…nevermind.

0 thoughts on “Into My High School Journal: The Ultimate Soul-Bearing Blog Post

  1. Oh my Gosh Crystal!! That is hilarious and makes me want to go read my ‘journal’! 🙂 Thanks for sharing! One thing I remember from my high school teenage years is how I treated my mom and how i don’t want my kids to treat me the way I treated her…it is interesting how life works! Well here’s to hoping our kids are better than we were! Love ya!

  2. Oh my Gosh Crystal!! That is hilarious and makes me want to go read my ‘journal’! 🙂 Thanks for sharing! One thing I remember from my high school teenage years is how I treated my mom and how i don’t want my kids to treat me the way I treated her…it is interesting how life works! Well here’s to hoping our kids are better than we were! Love ya!

  3. Oh my Gosh Crystal!! That is hilarious and makes me want to go read my ‘journal’! 🙂 Thanks for sharing! One thing I remember from my high school teenage years is how I treated my mom and how i don’t want my kids to treat me the way I treated her…it is interesting how life works! Well here’s to hoping our kids are better than we were! Love ya!

Comment

Gift Center