The Black Hole That is My Purse

The inside of a woman’s purse…or at least a mother’s purse…ok, maybe just MY purse, is shrouded in mystery.  It’s something that few can understand, explain, or have even seen!  There is so much stuff in there that my husband refers to it as a black hole.  If I say, “Oh, I know where that is, it’s in my purse!”  He says, “Oh, great, like that helps.”  If I say I will stick something in my purse he shouts, “NOOOOOO! WE WILL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN!!!!”  If he needs something from my purse before he goes to work in the morning, he wakes me up at the ungodly hour of 5:30 a.m. and ask me to dig around for it.  I guess he’s afraid that if he does it himself that he will a) get his hands dirty b) grow old and die before he actually finds anything useful or c) get sucked into the black hole and never come out.  All three are very real possibilities.

I like to have a big purse because I like to have everything I may need with me at all times.  There is nothing worse than saying, “I need my Chapstick.  I can’t find my Chapstick.  Where is my Chapstick?  Have you seen my Chapstick??  OH. MY. GOSH. I lost my CHAPSTCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (cue scary violin squeeking: eee eee eee eee!)

You might be thinking, Yeah, but you can fit a Chapstick in your pocket.  Well, a) women don’t always have pockets on their cute little dresses (or yoga pants, whatever, don’t judge)  b) how often have you left Chapstick in your pocket and ran it through the dryer and it either melted to the cap or worse, stained all your clothes with greasy spots?  and c) This scenario can be applied to a myriad of other things like:

-Sunglasses

-Wallets

-Makeup (including but not limited to: foundation, concealer, powder, eyelash curler, mascara, eyeliner, tweezers, a mirror, eyeshadow, lipstick, lipgloss)

-Brushes

-Hair “things”

-Books

-Crossword puzzles

-Pens

-Pencils

-Shopping/To do lists

-Kindles

-ipads

-ipods

-Cell phones

-Earphones

-Anti-anxiety medication (don’t leave home without it)

-A water bottle

-Keys

-Pepper spray

-Gum

-Tampons/Pads

-Crumpled up receipts

-Tissues and/or toilet paper wads

-An umbrella

-Gloves

-Lunch

-A change of clothes for your daughter who is potty training

-Diapers

-Wipes

-Assorted toys

-Crayons

-Paper

-And let’s not forget: Trash

Now to explain the last item on the list: Trash.  It sounds messy but really, would you rather me litter?  If there is no trash can around, where the heck are you supposed to put trash?  And don’t say, “You’re pocket.”  Remember, no pockets in yoga pants…I mean dresses.

All of these and more have been (or should have been) in my purse at one time or another.  But seriously, 80% of this list is in my purse right at this very moment, and I’m not even going anywhere.  It’s a wonder more men do not carry “Man purses.”  How do you bachelors survive without the contents of a woman’s purse at your disposal?  Hubby makes fun of my purse, but when he needs Chapstick, who has it?  When he needs a tissue, who has it?  When he wants to color a picture, who’s ready?  And when he needs to dispose of trash when there is no appropriate receptacle available, who can store it indefinitely (or until it dissolves as X-rays into space)?  ME, that’s WHO!  And all because of my purse.

A peek inside the black hole that is…MY PURSE!

0 thoughts on “The Black Hole That is My Purse

  1. Ha..ha…I love this blog post! My purse is the same way!! I keep thinking I’m going to clean it out, but it NEVER happens. I too have some trash in there…cheese stick trash from the grocery store and such…why doesn’t the grocery store have trash cans anywhere? Lol.

  2. Ha..ha…I love this blog post! My purse is the same way!! I keep thinking I’m going to clean it out, but it NEVER happens. I too have some trash in there…cheese stick trash from the grocery store and such…why doesn’t the grocery store have trash cans anywhere? Lol.

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