The Guiltiest Place on Earth

I walked into “The Happiest Place on Earth” with high expectations: confident and hopeful that I would have a fun-filled day of…well…fun!  But I left feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt.  Also, I almost cried.  For the record we did have a wonderful time.  But…

First of all I spent too much money.  We brought our own food, snacks, desserts and drinks so that we wouldn’t be tempted to buy anything.  But…

The boys decided to spend their allowance on churros.  I couldn’t just NOT get the girls some too, and while I was at it, I wanted one.  But I was frugal and made the girls share, that counts for something, right?  Then I decided that I needed a lanyard and an I.D. tag to carry around our passes because I was carrying them in my back pocket even though I’ve broken more than a few credit and I.D. cards that way.  I really wanted to buy trading pins to wear on my lanyard, but that would be too much money so I refrained.  But when the boys heard about that option they decided they wanted them, too.  I decided I would lend them the money for them until they could pay me back with their allowances, but then I got jealous and bought me a few pins as well.  THEN the girls wanted them.   BUT I saved money by buying them light-up necklaces.  So I am still frugal.  Right?

Secondly (this is still a list of all the things that I did wrong at Disneyland, remember?), I made the mistake of taking Princess to the Haunted Mansion.  She endured The Hollywood Tower of Terror (although she didn’t like it), was fine with the new Star Tours (even I got a little scared on that ride!) and she LOVED Space Mountain (I thought she’d hate it).  After those rides I thought the Haunted Mansion would seem pretty tame.  It hasn’t really changed in the 20+ years I’ve been going on it and I’ve always thought it was pretty campy.  But…

She spent the entire time of what I realize now is a pretty long ride, clinging to me and crying, turning in circles looking frantically from one frightening apparition to the next, calling out for daddy and home, and saying, “Why does everyone like this?!  I don’t like this!”  This is not an exaggeration.  I felt like I was watching a scary movie about a little girl in a real haunted house.  I felt terrible that she was so genuinely frightened.  Preemie was fine, she couldn’t care less about the fakeness vs. realness of the ride.  But Princess thought the fish in the Nemo submarine ride were “real fish that talk,” so…

Anyway, I tried to reassure her that everything was fake, I tried to pretend it was fun or funny, and I told her that I would always protect her.  The lady behind us even joined in with, “Disneyland is a safe, fun place!  Nothing bad ever happens at Disneyland!”  But to no avail.  She was terrified for the whole 10 or 15 minutes.  By the end of the ride  she was limp in my arms, exhausted from fear.

After that ordeal she was afraid of almost everything, including the fireworks.  She was OK with the boring old fireworks.  but when it came to the ones that surround you, she thought we were going to catch on fire.  And then there was the part where they do themed fireworks based on different rides.  And one of them was…you guessed it, The Haunted Mansion.  When she heard that familiar narrator’s voice she just about lost it.  I couldn’t believe I had brought my daughter to “The Magic Kingdom” only for her to feel unsafe and vulnerable! What a horrible mother I was!

Last but not least (oh yes, there’s more), I lost the boys.  Three times.  The good news is they were, and are fine.  The bad news is one of them was crying.  Twice.  I forgot to bring an extra phone which would have solved everything.  But being as they are 11 and 10 and very responsible, I figured that they were old enough to go off on their own as long as they stayed together and took my phone for emergencies and timekeeping.  We had a meeting place and time, I was just going to ask people what time it was, and everything was going to be fine.  The first time we split up wasn’t so bad.  They took the escalator and I took the stroller down the elevator.  They ended up waiting for me while I waited in line for about 20 minutes. But they weren’t too upset.  Being the good boys that they are, they stayed put and waited for me.  But…

The second time we split up they were  hanging out in Toontown and the girls and I were waiting for the kiddie roller coaster.  I told them to meet me at a certain place and time and gave them the phone.  All was well.  Or so I thought.  I was even a few minutes early to meet them and thought I would be waiting for them, but when I got there I found them waiting for ME!  They thought I had said to meet an hour earlier.  They were waiting for one hour!!!  The poor things were terrified.  They sat there for a whole hour, wondering where I was.  My poor little J-Dog was in tears.  So we decided to stay together…

…Until the next day .  They decided that they wanted to go on Indiana Jones, which the girls were too little to go on.  They had Fast Passees and I told them that I would wait for them at the exit so that there would be no confusion.  But out of curiosity, (curse you, Curiosity!) I asked the attendant how long the Fast Pass line was.  She said it was 40 minutes long, too long to sit there with the girls doing nothing, so I decided to take them on a couple of rides and be back in half an hour to make SURE I was there when they got off the ride.  We got back in 25 minutes and guess who was waiting there for us.  That’s right, two little boys, one crying, the other one stoic.  In actuality their line had only taken 10 minutes.  At least they hadn’t waited an hour this time. Right? Right? But I had promised it wouldn’t happen again!  I had failed as a mother in every way that day.  I begged forgiveness!  I bribed them with gifts!  I promised for sure for sure for sure this time that it would never happen again!  In the end they forgave me (extra trading pins helped their forgiveness, though not my budget) and I just felt like crying.

Look at these handsome and responsible boys. They are at once such big boys now but still so young!

I learned three things that day.  Don’t bring your credit card into Disneyland (except that I probably will in case of emergency or really cute pins), I don’t know Princess as well as I’d previously thought, and I won’t ever leave the boys without a cell phone ever, ever again!

0 thoughts on “The Guiltiest Place on Earth

  1. Awww, Crystal! How sad, I’m so sorry it didn’t quite turn out the magical day you expected! Haha but good fodder for a hilarious post… is that a little bit comforting, at least? 🙂 xo!

  2. Awww, Crystal! How sad, I’m so sorry it didn’t quite turn out the magical day you expected! Haha but good fodder for a hilarious post… is that a little bit comforting, at least? 🙂 xo!

  3. Awww, Crystal! How sad, I’m so sorry it didn’t quite turn out the magical day you expected! Haha but good fodder for a hilarious post… is that a little bit comforting, at least? 🙂 xo!

  4. That was a hilarious post. We’ve all had some good memories and not so great memories while at Disneyland. Love this! The next time you go will be better…;-)

  5. That was a hilarious post. We’ve all had some good memories and not so great memories while at Disneyland. Love this! The next time you go will be better…;-)

  6. That was a hilarious post. We’ve all had some good memories and not so great memories while at Disneyland. Love this! The next time you go will be better…;-)

Comment

Gift Center