MEDIOCRITY Level: Expert

I’m not really an expert at anything at all.

I guess you could say I’m truly mediocre in my abilities. I mean hey, that’s the whole premise of my blog. I even wrote about my lack of expertise in my very first blog post:

“I have no special talents of any kind. My only talents are either “hidden talents,” like my propensity to see the good in people; talents that are best to remain hidden, like my ability to eat 5 Entenmann’s doughnuts and half a quart of mint n’ chip ice cream in one sitting; or just things that I enjoy doing, but that most people do better than me, like blogging (haha!), reading, writing, photography, dancing, running, scrapbooking, putting photos to music, cross stitching, crocheting, and playing basketball.”

I’m definitely no expert at any of the aforementioned things (except for the donuts and ice cream) but I’d thought I was at least good at excelling at mediocrity in the form of copying other people’s creative ideas in the laziest way possible. Recently that belief was put to the test in a a way that epitomizes my ability to cut corners figuratively AND literally, inadvertently making more work for myself and thus solidifying my status as truly mediocre:

I had happened upon the tutorial for this adorable little guy online one day at


Isn’t he cuuuute? I began to go through the following thought process:

  1. “Ohhhh that’s sooo cuuuute!”
  2. “I want to make that tooooooooo!”
  3. “I hope it’s not too hard.”
  4. “Hey that’s not too hard! Wait…there’s painting…”
  5. “Pssh! painting perfectly rounded pupils for the eyes is completely unnecessary.”
  6. *cutting out crooked foam eye pupils* “crooked is easier. And hey, it’s just a silly monster guy anyway!”
  7. *alternately gluing, taping, and hot gluing the black foam pupils onto spherical Styrofoam by trial and error* “This is harder than I thought it would be.  BUT, it’s still easier than dealing with paint.”
  8. *smiling proudly* “Oh look! He’s so CUUUUUUUTE! I hope no one cares that the eyeballs are crooked…I hope I don’t care either…”
OK, but c’mon, he did eventually turn out suuuper cute, amiright?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone through that same process.

Nothing I make looks very professional, which is fine because I’m NOT a professional.

And I was immensely grateful that mentioned that it’s OK to give your monster a “haircut” because figuratively cutting corners by cutting the tulle “real fast,” resulted in me having to literally cut the corners (with said haircut) once all the tulle was tied on and half of his face was bushy and floppy and the other half was not. In fact, I cut so many corners that I made things harder for myself and ended up cutting even more corners. Apparently I not only can’t make nice things, but I also can’t make them the lazy way. I’m mediocre at mediocrity which makes me the most mediocre of all! What I’m not mediocre at, however, is keeping it real.  You always know I’ll be real and honest with you here, even when I look bad and especially when I repeatedly reach MEDIOCRITY Level: Expert.

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